I must have missed the headline. Could someone please tell me the last time a 12-year-old girl detonated a bomb on an airplane in a suicidal terrorism mission in the name of Allah?

Obviously I missed a story somewhere, because apparently, pre-teens now pose a very real security threat to America.

From the St. Petersburg Times:

A Baltimore family is raising the issue [of body scanners] after their 12-year-old daughter was pulled out of line in Tampa and subjected to what they say was an embarrassing and unhealthy scan. The girl was traveling with an adult friend of the family, not her parents.

“Our daughter was scared and didn’t understand what was happening,” said Michelle Nemphos, the mother of the girl. She declined to give her daughter’s name. “In essence they conducted a strip search on a 12-year-old girl without her parents present to advocate for her.”

Or maybe, just maybe, 12-year-olds traveling from one U.S. city to another U.S. city with a friend’s family don’t pose security risks to our friendly skies.

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Remember that one time when there was a terrorist that helped blow up a plane over a little Scottish town called Lockerbie? Let me refresh your memory. In December of 1988, some really bad guys detonated a bomb on Pan Am flight 103, killing everyone on board and even some Lockerbians that got in the way of falling airplane parts. In all, 270 people died.

The Lockerbie plane bombing was the greatest terrorist assault on American civilians (179 of the deceased were Americans) until the towers came down on 9/11. There were babies and children on that plane. College students headed home for Christmas. Families. All doomed before they could even put their oxygen masks on.

Abdelbaset al-Megrahi was convicted of involvement with the bombing, and was sentenced to life in a Scottish prison. Last August, he was released to his home country of Libya after a doctor confirmed that al-Megrahi had terminal cancer and only months to live.

He was given a hero’s welcome home in Libya. Throngs of people cheered for him as his plane landed and he stepped out a free man in his home country.

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Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano wants to read your email. Apparently the “right to privacy” only exists between a woman and her abortion provider. Although it’s probably unfair to say that Ms. Napolitano personally wants to read your email.

It’s much more likely that she wants to set up a few new governmentagencies, hire thousands of people on the taxpayers’ dime (don’t forget about those bloated government pensions!), and have themread your email. So it might be a moot point anyway, since we all know how effective government agencies are — been to the DMV lately?

Why does Ms. Napolitano want to read your email? To fightterrorism, of course! How silly to even ask. It turns out that terrorists like to communicate with one another via Internet communications. The panty-bomber, the Fort Hood shooter, and Jihad Jane are all big fans of Internet communications.

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I. Am. Shocked.

I am usually impressed by what our Vice President has to say, but it’s usually more in the “I’m impressed this idiot ended up as the VP of our country” category. Heck, he even has his own category on this blog- Did Joe Biden really just say that?

A few days ago, Mr. Biden made some comments about this whole Flotilla thing. Flotilla is a fancy word for small group of ships, it has nothing to do with carne asada or guacamole.

The Flotilla thing in a nutshell- There’s this tiny strip of land in the middle east called Gaza, and it’s bordered by Israel on three sides, and water on the fourth side. It’s filled with people that loathe the Israelis and want to kill them. They bomb Israel all the time, mostly with petty little bomb thrown over the border that don’t do substantial damage, but still suck and people do die. I wrote a little bit about the whole situation here, if you’d like more background.

Ok, so last week a Turkish charity group tried to bring aid into impoverished Gaza. MSNBC reports that the super mean Israelis boarded the ship and started killing the poor sweet protestors. Ok, I’m paraphrasing, but not by much. Go ahead. Click the link. If you can stomach it.

It has since come out that that “aid” was sent by a Turkish “charity” group with terrorist ties. And that the flotilla carried Jihads openly ready to be martyrs. In other words, they came looking for a fight.

Here’s the thing that Joe Biden said. That I totally agree with.

“They’ve said, ‘Here you go. You’re in the Mediterranean. This ship — if you divert slightly north you can unload it and we’ll get the stuff into Gaza,’”, he said. “So what’s the big deal here? What’s the big deal of insisting it go straight to Gaza? Well, it’s legitimate for Israel to say, ‘I don’t know what’s on that ship. These guys are dropping… 3,000 rockets on my people.

“Look, you can argue whether Israel should have dropped people onto that ship or not — but the truth of the matter is, Israel has a right to know — they’re at war with Hamas — has a right to know whether or not arms are being smuggled in.”

During the interview, Biden also blamed Hamas for the crisis that has wracked the coastal territory and for the ongoing state of conflict with Israel.

“As we put pressure, and the world put pressure on Israel to let material go into Gaza to help those people who are suffering, the ordinary Palestinians there, what happened? Hamas would confiscate it, put it in a warehouse [and] sell it.

I wonder what MSNBC has to say about that.

It’s been over two weeks since an explosion on an oil rig killed eleven people and started spewing oil into the Gulf of Mexico at the rate of 210,000 gallons per day.

Two weeks.

The information has been spotty, to say the least. First the fallen rig wasn’t leaking. Then it was.

Then safety procedures in place since 1994 to burn off the crude oil in its earlier, containable stages were not followed.

Then some terrorist guy that graduated terrorism school in Pakistan before moving to the United States and becoming a citizen tried to blow up an SUV in Times Square in New York City. He almost got away too, after purchasing an airplane ticket and boarding the plane despite being on the on No Fly List. I seem to remember that panty bomber being on that list too. Don’t worry, I’m sure the system is working just fine. Solid B+, I say.

President Obama has been very busy. Attending Nerd Prom. That’s in-the-know way to refer to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. I’ll spare you the embarrassment of having to ask like I did last week,”What the heck is Nerd Prom???”

Oh yeah, and Nashville’s quickly becoming the next Atlantis.

It’s time to do something, people.

Contact your Congressmen in Washington and tell them the answer to this slick disaster is not to bankrupt us by shutting off even more of our fuel.

Contact the FTA and let them know that if they’re going to have a no fly list, they might as well start actually enforcing it.

If you have the means, donate your time or money to help the mer-people of Nashville.

At least that’s what I’ll be doing. I refuse to feel helpless and sit back and twiddle my thumbs and hope everything turns out ok. Sometimes life throws you curve balls. Sometimes those stray balls smack you in the face. I’d rather be someone that gets back up to the plate, black eye and all, than someone that fears ball games for the rest of her life. Because if you never get back up to that plate, there’s no chance you’ll ever hit that home run.

Sorry for the baseball analogy. It was either that or American Idol, as both topics are dominating my tweet-stream at the moment…

Ok, there are lots of problems with the new legislation signed into law today in Arizona by Governor Jan Brewer.

The sweeping legislation makes it a crime under state law to be in the country illegally. It also requires local police officers to question people about their immigration status if there is reason to suspect they are illegal immigrants.

So basically, if you have a tan and can properly pronounce “carne asada,” then you better carry your identification with you at all times. Otherwise you might get arrested. This new law is ridiculous, and I suspect that it is more a bold proclamation to shed light onto an area of federal government that badly needs reform.

Seriously. Just take a look at this chart.

The new *law* does nothing to address the real issue. It is so flippin’ hard to come into this country legally that millions are doing it illegally. And they are living in fear of the government, to the point where they won’t report crimes in their neighborhoods for fear of being deported.

I am in no way advocating open borders, but I think it’s ridiculous not to offer visas to the hard working men and women that want to become legal citizens, but lack the money or political connections to do so.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to come off like a bleeding heart liberal by saying this, but I can’t get this Thomas More quote out of my head:

For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them. (Utopia)

I only hope that this weird new law sheds light into an area that badly needs reforming. Please, can we let more people in that want to work hard and build a better life, and try harder to keep the panty-bombers out?

Thanks.

Continued from here:

Dick Cheney walked onstage to thunderous applause.  He has become a loud voice for national security ever since our President appointed Janet the-system-works Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security.  You know, because he actually likes America, is proud to be an American, and wants to keep America around for a few more generations.

He said that when Liz asked him for advice on what to say, as she usually does before a speaking engagement (smart girl, I do the same thing with my dad) he mentioned that he’d like to attend CPAC with her.  “Ok,” she said, “But only as arm candy.”

Vice President Cheney said that he enjoys CPAC because it keeps conservatism and its fundamental principles alive.  He also said that he’s encouraged by recent conservative developments in Virginia, New Jersey, and Massachusetts, and that he expects to see more in the novemeber elections.

2010 is going to be a phenomenal year.

Dick Cheney said so.

Our VP can always be counted on to say the most insane things at the most bizarre times.  He did not dissapoint last night on Larry King.  Let me share with you some of the gems he dropped.

Regarding airplane attacks by Muslim extremists:

“I think what you’re seeing morphing here – and it’s a concern to us – is you’ll see the concern relates to somebody like a shoe bomber or the underpants bomber, the Christmas attack or someone just strapping a backpack on them with weapons that are indigenous and blowing up, you know, walking into in airport…I think there are going to be attempts.”  Biden also insisted that the Obama administration, which ordered a review of security and terrorism procedures after the Christmas Day incident, is prepared to deal with such attempts. “I’ve been really impressed with the success we’ve had, building on the last administration, in dealing with these.”

Hmm… I feel safe now.  Especially since the head of Homeland Security thinks the system works, but just in case it doesn’t, let’s steal pillows from toddlers during the last 90 minutes of all flights.

Regarding that three-letter word JOBS:

“I think now the jobs bill, I think, will be probably less than is needed initially, but it will be very helpful…by the spring, I think people are going to begin to have more confidence in the policies we’ve put in place.”

Is this the same Jobs Bill that extends unemployment benefits?  Why don’t they just go ahead and call it a “don’t bother looking for work because we’re going to pay you even longer to sit at home heckling the *rich* people providing for your existence”?  Too long?  Bummer.

Regarding Iraq:

“I am very optimistic about Iraq. I mean, this could be one of the great achievements of this administration…You’re going to see 90,000 American troops come marching home by the end of the summer.”

So he’s optimistic about having the troops home, not about Iraq or our own national security.  When the US leaves, the fledgling democracy in Iraq will most likely crumble to the extremists, and we’ll see all sorts of lovely new terrorist cells plotting the destruction of the US.  Perfect.

Regarding Sarah Palin (this by far is my favorite):

“I like her…She’s an engaging person. She has a great personality. I don’t agree with what she says and I think some of the things she says are not – well…Well, you know, it’s sort of like – some of the comments made are just so far out there, I just don’t know where they come from.”

Seriously Joe? Maybe you could explain some of your comments before you go ripping into Sarah Palin for her far-out comments.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was escorted into a Detroit courtroom today, where his lawyers entered a not guilty plea.

I cannot believe I just wrote that sentence. Let me re-write it:

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (the terrorist) was escorted into a Detroit courtroom today (as if he had the same rights as American citizens), where his lawyers entered a not guilty plea (despite the nearly 300 witnesses on the plane that saw his crotch catch fire as the bomb he was supposed to explode the plane with failed to detonate correctly).

Rudy Giuliani hit the nail on the head this morning during an interview with George Stephanopoulos on Good Morning America:

This isn’t about whether you convict him or not, this is about whether you get information or not. If you put someone in a civilian court, within a short time a lawyer is appointed and the person shuts up. If you have a person in the military system you can question him endlessly for as long as you have to, make sure you’ve gotten the full scope of information, and here’s the most important point, you get it timely.

Yesterday, President Obama lectured the intelligence agencies for failing to keep our homeland safe.  He’s right in that we need to do everything possible to keep terrorists off our planes.  But that should be our second line of defense. The first line of defense should be making them too scared to even think about boarding the plane.

How do you terrify a terrorist?  Not even the death penalty means much, because they’re all suicide bombers.  They’re ready for the afterlife (at least they think they are. I bet meeting Satan sort of sucks…). Do we threaten them with a lifetime in prison without trial on a tropical island, where they get 3 meals a day and free access to pray to their God for The Great Satan(America)’s destruction?  Geez, no wonder the Gitmo detainees don’t want to leave… Sounds a lot better than living in a cave in Yemen!  Even if they do manage to get back to their cave in Yemen, they will have fresh information to spread amongst their brothers about our safety and security procedures.

Is there anyway to scare terrorists off planes, then?  Everyone’s afraid of something… Terrorists are afraid of being tortured into giving up valuable secrets about their organization, location, future plans, or any other information that might be floating about in their twisted little brains. To do so would not only harm their mission, but would bring shame upon them and possibly damnation from their god.

It’s insane that Abdulmutallab is being given a civil trial.  If convicted, he could serve up to a life sentence.  Here’s the message that sends to the other terrorists back home:

Keep up the good work boys! There’s nothing to be afraid of with these silly Americans; they’ll even let you on the plane if they know you work for al-Queda.  Getting through security is not too bad, they’re so busy making sure everyone dumps out their water bottle and has the correct size sandwich baggies that they easily overlook us.  If they do examine you closely, be sure to threaten a discrimination lawsuit. That usually does the trick.  And don’t worry if you screw up and the bomb doesn’t detonate, because you’ll never have to say a thing in The Great Satan’s generous legal system.  If released, you may return immediately to us and rejoin the mission, or if imprisoned, you may pray continually for our cause.

Welcome aboard flight number…

On November 5, 2009, Nidal Malik Hasan of the United States Army entered the Soldier Readiness Center at the Fort Hood military base in Texas and opened fire on his fellow citizens.  He killed 13 people and injured over 30 others before he was taken down by petite (but tough as nails) Kimberly Munley.  He was seriously wounded and rushed to the hospital.

As with any tragedy, everyone wants to know WHY?  We can’t get inside of Hasan’s thoughts, but there are clues to lead us to a conclusion about the reason for his horrific and unpatriotic attack on American lives and our country itself.  So far, all arrows point to radical Islam.  Granted, everyone makes mistakes, and isolated incidents don’t usually represent the whole of a person.  But when a person shows their true self over and over, maybe we shouldn’t excuse that person’s violent extremism in the name of political correctness.

Within the last few months, Hasan had attempted to contact the terrorist group al Queada.

He was in contact with militant preacher Anwar al-Awlaki, and he frequently visited radical Islamic websites.

During his senior-year psych residency in 2007, Hasan gave a presentation about the difficulty “for Muslims in the service to morally justify being in a military that seems constantly engaged against fellow Muslims.”

He thought suicide bombers were the bomb, and lavished praise upon their actions.

Just before opening fire, Hasan shouted, “Allahu akbar!” A phrase meaning, “God (Allah) is great,” and often used by Islamic extremists to initiate their attacks.

All signs point to violent, radical, extremist Islamic terrorism.  So what did our Commander in Chief have to say when Jake Tapper of ABC News asked him, “ Philosophically, what separates an act of violence from an act of terrorism?”

Well, look, we — we have seen, in the past, rampages of this sort. And in a country of 300 million people, there are going to be acts of violence that are inexplicable. Even within the extraordinary military that we have — and I think everybody understands how outstanding the young men and women in uniform are under the most severe stress — there are going to be instances in which an individual cracks. I think the questions that we’re asking now and we don’t have yet complete answers to is, is this an individual who’s acting in this way or is it some larger set of actors? You know, what are the motivations? Those are all questions that I think we have to ask ourselves. Until we have these answers buttoned down, I’d rather not comment on it.  -President Obama, November 10, 2009

In the sarcastic words of my favorite fictional international terrorist Dr. Evil, “Riiiiiiight…”