You’ve heard of Mama Grizzlies, now make way for Mama Tigers. Amy Chua is a Chinese-American mom who parents her two daughters with what she calls the Chinese way. It does not involve coddling. Or a self-esteem training course.
Mama Tigers have complete faith in their children to be extraordinary, and gosh darn it, extraordinary they will be! Criticism is harsh and approval is doled out sparingly, saved for the times when the child actually excels at something.
It’s a jarring juxtaposition to the hovering helicopter parent that many moms have become these days. But wait! Isn’t a tiger mother a helicopter parent, continually constructing their children’s’ world for them to ‘save’ them from outside influences or dangers?
Not exactly. A helicopter parent strives to make life as easy as possible for their children. They cut their food, resolve their playground disputes, and practically do their homework for them. A tiger mother says, “You will sit at that table until you cut your meat and eat it because it’s time for you to grow up a little bit.”
The helicopter mom says, “I’ll do it for you because I don’t believe you can do it.” The tiger mom says, “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you can do it. I believe in you.” Which one screams love in your mind?
Perhaps our generation would be better off if more moms parented the Chinese way. Instead of perpetual children that stay on our parents’ health insurance until the age of 26, we’d have some functioning members of society. Even better, these kids of voting age might actually vote in some candidates that do more than promise them lollipops that they’ll never be able to deliver anyway.
Parents, you are not doing your children a favor by infantilizing them. Teach them the value of hard work and the sweet reward of triumph. Don’t pretend that good enough is the same as the best you can do.
Perhaps the tiger mother is too harsh for your tastes. That’s ok. There is no Parenting Rule Book, and there’s no exactly correct way to raise a child. That’s the beauty of America – we can pick and choose what we like and create our own lives outside of government oppression. If being poor and lazy seems like a better life than working your hiney off to improve your socioeconomic status, then by all means, please, live in your mom’s basement for the rest of your life. We all make choices, and all decisions have consequences.
Especially parenting decisions.
What about the poor, burdened kids raised in such strict, go-get-em homes? Are they scarred for life? It turns out they’re doing just fine, thank you very much.
Motherhood is political. Love your children, but teach them to be self-sufficient. They’ll thank you someday for it. By the way, Mom, if you’re reading this … Thank you.
Cross posted in the fabulous, newly-designed Smart Girl Nation.
