I wrote some schtuff recently. You should go read it, because I love my readers and my editors enjoy the web traffic. See? Everyone is happy! Well, except for my liberal friends that don’t like to be reminded of my conservative leanings. So you guys are excused from reading. Except that you really should read, because it will help you to see another perspective.

Perspective is good, people.

I went to Las Vegas last week with a $51 Spirit Airlines ticket. After purchasing said ticket, I found out about the $35 fee for overhead bin usage. Each way. Needless to say, I packed everything into a bag that fit under the seat in front of me. Viva la capitalism!

President Obama is fear mongering again, trying to get his latest stimulus jobs bill passed. You know, because it worked so well in 2009.

In the latest edition of Crap My Veep Says, Joe Biden says he wishes Republicans knew what rape and murder felt like. Yup, he actually said that.

President Obama continues to push the jobs bill, even as we’re finding out that the 2009 stimulus gave money to electric car company Fisker … who sent jobs to Finland.

Guess what happens when the government takes over health care? Rationing!

And last but not least, Muslim students at the Catholic University of America are peeved that there are crosses on the walls of classrooms where they are allowed to perform their prayers toward Mecca.

Happy clicking reading!

I hate calling people on the phone. I do it when I need to. This will be important later, so store it somewhere in your brain to save yourself the trouble of scrolling up later.

I had this US History and Government teacher in high school that I loved. Seriously. He was awesome. Everyone else hated him, because he did things like kick kids out of class for misbehaving or slam his fist on a desk to get a daydreaming student to pay attention. He taught the first amendment by walking into the center of the classroom (all desks pointed to the center) and shouting the F-bomb at the top of his lungs.

I loved it.

Anyway, there was this one time when we had to do this worksheet in class that had something to do with the gross domestic product and barrels of imported oil or something like that. Due to some sort of typo on the sheet, some key piece of information was missing. I heard him messing with some of the other kids who asked about it, telling them to figure it out.

See why I liked him?

Never one to back down from a challenge I’m sure I can win, I asked if I could use the phone. It was 1999 and pagers, not iPhones, were all the rage. Heck, most Internet was still line-by-line dial-up at that point. So the phone was by far the best and fastest way to get information.

I told you the phone thing would come into play. I hate it and avoid it at all costs, until it becomes absolutely necessary to get what I want.

So I called information and got the number for the Department of Energy. And then I called that number and told them I was doing a school project, and could they please tell me the bit of information I needed to know?

So I turned in my completed worksheet, and my favorite teacher, who seemed to greatly enjoy messing with his students, told me I couldn’t be done, and asked what I had gotten for an answer on that missing-info question. I told him and he looked right at me and asked whom I’d called.

“The Department of Energy.”

He stared at me.

“It’s, uh, in DC. I probably should’ve asked if I could call long distance.”

And then he laughed and gave me a metaphorical slap on the back and basically declared me his favorite student of the year.

That phone call was so worth it.

This post actually has nothing to do with high school or history teachers; it was only a story to illustrate how much I will only pick up the phone and dial someone I don’t know to get something that I really, really want. From the approval of a favorite teacher to getting Thing 2 enrolled in preschool to getting press passes to events I really want to go to.

Like the GOP presidential debate next week at the Reagan Library. Um, yes please, I’ll drive three hours to see the thing in person. Because GOP debate! Reagan Library! Rick Perry (we are like totally buds, you know)! I wanted to go so much that I picked up the phone and called the library to find out who to contact about press passes.

I was given an email address. Yes! I’m good at email! I love email! I did a little happy dance and put together a request and sent it off. A few hours later, I got this response:

Jenny,

Thanks for reaching out.  Due to the security level of the debate, only credentialed media with law enforcement credentials are able to cover the event.  I’m assuming you don’t have these?  I’m sorry if you don’t.

What the heck are law enforcement credentials?? Off to Google! Apparently they are a certain kind of ‘pass’ awarded by law enforcement agents so that reporters can go behind the yellow tape and to presidential debates at the Reagan Library.

Well heck! How do I get me one of those? My fingerprints are clean, I tell you, clean! I’ve never even done drugs! I go to church! Then I read: “Not usually granted to bloggers or opinion writers.”

I knew I should have married this dude.

Well what’s wrong with being opinionated? Freedom of the press! I may have ranted to Leif about it. He may have told me that I needed to make a connection with someone in the FBI. I may have glared accusingly at him and said, “This wouldn’t be a problem if only I’d married an FBI agent.”

He may have responded with, “This wouldn’t be a problem if those pesky presidential candidates weren’t worried about security and assassins.”

I may have won the argument with, “This wouldn’t be a problem if everyone were packing heat.”

As far as the phone is concerned … you win some, you lose some. I will face it another day.

Probably.

If Thing 2 were here, she’d say, “I on dah airplane!” Because that’s where she would be. Isn’t technology cool? I’m zipping through the sky right now on my way home from the Red State Gathering in Charleston, SC, and I’m posting stuff on my blog. Wonders never cease.

Also? I’m easily amused.

So I wrote some schtuff last week, and I’ll love you forever if you read it all. Or at least I’ll feel amicably toward you. I may even give you a hug next time I see you. I’ll probably give you a hug anyway. I’m one of those people.

Why make laws if they’re not going to be enforced? Even more so, why make laws that only some people have to follow? Way no fair!

The United States’ credit rating got downgraded. Does it mater? Maybe.

30,000 college students in Michigan were on food stamps. And I’m sure none of them had cell phones. Gah.

And lastly, but certainly not leastly (apparently that’s not a word – oh well), Rick Perry formally announced his candidacy for President. Finally something exciting for the Republican primary field!

Happy reading!

Yesterday we met up with Jon and Angela Gabriel and their two lovely daughters at the San Diego Zoo. It was mega fun, and their seven-year-old declared that she wanted to take Thing 2 home with her for a sister. It was tres adorbs.

One of the must-sees on the girls’ list was the Polar Bear Plunge. Their nine-year-old is a bit of a nature buff, and she really wanted to see the polar bears. The Gabriels live near Phoenix, so it’s not like she’s going to be seeing them there. We made the trek, stopping along the way to check out giraffes and zebras and brokeback camels.

Giraffe

Zebra

Brokeback Camel (See? I wasn't joking.)

We finally made it to the polar bears. Who were MIA. The zookeeper told Angela that if she spotted one, she was ahead of him. Sigh. But the exhibit is still pretty cool (get it? Cool? Polar bears? Ice? Never mind.), so the girls all had fun.

And of course I had to roll my eyes at this:

Commence eye-roll now

That other station to their left? Here’s what that one said:

"Polar bears had to wait longer than ever to set out to hunt, getting thinner as they waited."

Poor thin dead polar bears. I know! Let’s scare children into thinking they’re killing cuddly fuzzy wittle teddy bears by not living the green life.

I’m sure that won’t financially benefit Al Gore at all.

Thing 1 was concerned about the ice melting. “But what about the polar bears?” She asked me.

“They’ll adapt,” I told her.

“But what if they don’t?”

“Then they won’t. But wouldn’t you try your hardest to survive if your environment changed?”

She nodded.

Then she asked if we could go in the sky buckets.

She’s ADH-oh shiny!

Wowee wow wow! What a week! Leif turned 32, America turned 235, and someone got away with murder. In between celebrating, being glued to the news out of Florida, the beach with the kids, a mental meltdown, and no less than 47 cans of Coke Zero, I wrote some stuff. Which you should read. And pass along to your friends. Because my livelihood depends on it.

Of course I had to write about the Casey Anthony trial. Why do some people believe humans only have a right to life after they’re already born? I often ponder if abortion is age or location discrimination…

President Obama needs to shut up or put up about shared sacrifice. His staffers got significant raises. In other news, this week marked 800 days since the Democrats have passed a budget. I wish *I* could spend other people’s money on crap to make myself feel good.

And last but not least, teachers in Atlanta were caught in a huge cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater scandal. Because nothing says I care about the kids quite like changing their answers on tests so your district won’t lose funding. Three words: School choice now.

Happy reading!

I wrote some schtuff recently. You should read it. Because I like you. And yer purdy. And my self-worth is tied to the number of clicks I get. Or something.

Anyway.

I wrote about the zombie protestors at the Special Olympics event that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker was speaking at. No wonder public support for unions is plummeting. Imbeciles.

Did you hear about Sarah Palin’s emails being released?? OMG, they were going to be so deliciously scandalous! Except the weren’t. They were pretty ordinary, actually. What is the media’s obsession with taking down Palin? It’s annoying.

ATMs killed the radio star economy. So says Barack Obama. In other news, indoor plumbing killed the chamber pot industry.

I wrote this article on middle school kids and sextionnaires on a plane. Air travel has nothing to do with the article. It just makes me sound fancy, so I thought I’d point it out.

And I was on a podcast talking about internet privacy.

Happy reading!

Remember the good ol’ days, when kindergartners learned to read and write and add numbers together without the aid of an iPad? It seems like only yesterday …

A public school proposal in Ashburnham, Massachusetts, to purchase 150 iPads for 5-year-olds to use in class is causing some parents to question if this is the best use of already limited funds.

Catherine Adair has children in school at Briggs Elementary. She tells FOX 25, “We have no Vice Principal. We have a very bare bones staff. I don’t think kindergartners having iPads is the best expenditure of taxpayer money.”

iPads are an awesome bit of technology. I love mine. My kids love it too, and I’ve stocked it with a number of fun learning apps for them. But it is a perk, not a necessity, and I didn’t ask taxpayers to fund it, and no teachers lost their jobs at its expense.

It would be wonderful to live in a world where educational funding knew no limits, and we could have a realistic discussion about the benefits of providing iPads to short people who include ‘nose-picking’ on their list of favorite activities. But there is a finite amount of money to be spent on the future of our country, and iPads shouldn’t be in the budget.

Read the rest at The Stir

Recently I had the opportunity to attend a lecture on logic by the brilliant Michael Eatmon. Mr. Eatmon is an educator out of Florida, an engaging speaker, and all around dynamic human being. While I was listening to him espouse the importance of logical thinking, I could feel my fingers itch for the keyboard so I could share with you the importance of using logic in our political debates.

Logic, Mr. Eatmon asserts, is not merely an abstract concept, but something that has tremendous practical application. Essentially, it is the process of thinking about thinking, or at the risk of sounding like a hipster – metacognition.

In order use logic effectively and persuasively, we must first understand what logic is. The first law of logic is theLaw of Identity, which states that an object is the same as itself. An apple is an apple, an orange is an orange, and so forth. The second law of logic is the Law of Noncontradiction, which is the notion that an object cannot be itself and something else at the same time. A piece of fruit cannot be both an apple and an orange; it must be one or the other. Or a banana. But it cannot be two separate things at the same time in the same space.

Read the rest at Pundit League

In the world of liberalism, everything is about helping those that can’t help themselves. Tax the rich and give it to the poor starving children and senior citizens, illegal aliens, and sea turtles. Also? Never trust parents to feed their own children.

Taking another step closer to total bureaucratic domination, some public schools in Chicago have banned sack lunchesfrom home, instead requiring all students to partake of the delicious cafeteria food. Yummy, yummy, there’s a party in my tummy!

The goal is a noble one: To provide nutritious brain food to children instead of salty snacks or sugary drinks. After all, junk food is basically tasty arsenic. Little Village Academy’s principal Elsa Carmona said her intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.

“Nutrition wise, it is better for the children to eat at the school,” Carmona said. “It’s about the nutrition and the excellent quality food that they are able to serve (in the lunchroom). It’s milk versus a Coke. But with allergies and any medical issue, of course, we would make an exception.”

Parents have mixed opinions on the no-sack lunch policy, with one parent in favor of the program, saying, “The school food is very healthy, and when they bring the food from home, there is no control over the food.” Who does the grocery shopping in that house, that there’s no control over the food?

Read the rest at The Stir

California State Senator Mark Leno has introduced a bill in the legislature that would make it mandatory for public school teachers in that state toteach their students about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Americans.

The Senate Judiciary Committee approved the Fair, Accurate, Inclusive and Respectful Education Act, or SB48, on Tuesday, and supporters say it will help prevent bullying of gay students by their classmates.

Bullied straight students are apparently S.O.L.

Seriously, what is wrong with disciplining kids for bullying for any reason? Are we now going to distinguish between regular bullying and hate bullying? Oh wait, it seems that teachers aren’t always allowed to discipline their students for bad behavior. Just ask Professor Frank Rybicki of Valdosta State University, who was arrested for battery after closing a student’s laptop when she refused to stop web surfing during class.

Read the rest at The Stir